i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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