end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Everything about him screamed your future.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
