she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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