Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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