Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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