I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
