The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
sex in a hospital.. check
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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