Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
