$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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