Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
