remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
