i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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