I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
