I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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