i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
