remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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