I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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