just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
