Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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