I think my fart just growled at me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
