Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
