dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
