My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
