Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dick very happy bro
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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