if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
