is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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