Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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