Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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