A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
