I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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