If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
