dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
