dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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