The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
