I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
