It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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