My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
