when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
