She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
