She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
