the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
