why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
