You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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