I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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