So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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