I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
