don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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