What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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