if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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