I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
