I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
