I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
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Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
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party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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