So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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