i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
