Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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