There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
