Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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