just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
