Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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