my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
