mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
