I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
