I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
