he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
