I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
