my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize