I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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