Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
