Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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