Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
