I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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