Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
